I love Lucy
by Ivanfanatic
Summary: Awhile ago I decided that Lucius deserved a fic of his own because he's my favorite character. NOT Erk. Hee hee... I have some ideas for the second chapter! Expect that sooner than a year.


"The Nabata Desert. A wasteland of scorching sun and fridgid nights. It rejects human life. Any careless enough to enter its embrace is doomed to wander lost..."

"THEN WHY ARE WE GOING THERE!?"

"I was just reading the sign!" An anima mage wiped the sweat off his brow and looked at the rampaging monk beside him. Erk and Lucius stood in the shade of the sign leading to the Nabata desert, wishing they were back in Badon. Heck, even Bern could be better than this.

"...So hot. I'm... going to die." Nils fell to the ground. "Can't...take the heat... Must... go inside..."

"Hey, they have a gift shop."

"Really?" Nils completely forgot about the heat and was instantly on his feet again.

"Yeah. Maybe we can trade you in for some bottles of water."

"HECTOR!"

"#($#($# ERK LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

"Sorry." Erk instantly remarked.

"I... can't make it anymore..." Nils wailed again.

"C'mere, runt." Hector picked up Nils under his arms and carefully placed him on his shoulders. 

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'M GONNA FALL!!"

"You will if you quit moving like that!" Hector called up to him. Nils quit wimpering and settled down.

"Be careful, Hector, he leaks."

"Do you WANT me to hit you?"

"Not... in particular..." Erk backed up as he looked at Hector, the lord towering over him like some sort of giant.

"Good... Now shut your (#$#$ mouth and move your #($#($ feet!"

"Yes sir." Erk mumbled, ignoring several snickers from Guy and Serra.

"I hate to say it, but you had that coming to you on a silver platter." Lucius commented. He was busying himself while he and Erk walked with a long blue thread.

"I know, I know. You don't need to tell ME twice..."

"I didn't."

"That was an exaggerated statement."

"Oh... I knew that." Lucius tied his hair up in a messy bun with the blue thread, fluffing it a bit. "Does my hair look ok?"

"...."

"What?"

"...You have a lump on the left side..."

"...how's that?"

"Better. Ok, Answer me this. If you're not a woman, then why do you act like one?"

"I AM NOT A GIRL! I thought you above ALL people-besides Lord Raymond, of course- would know that!"

"...Ok that sounded wrong, but yes, I know you're not a woman. You just act like one."

"...And is there something WRONG with that?"

"If you keep acting like one, you're going to continuously be mistaken for one."

"Have you even SEEN the true male population of our little group?" Lucius grabbed Erk by the shoulder and pointed his face towards some of the guys. "Now, would you want me to act like them..." Bartre sat there picking something out of his foot and put it in his mouth, Sain pinched Rebecca in the butt only to recieve a slap across the face, Heath and Raven were busy arm wrestling while Lowen, Marcus, Dart, and Oswin screamed out bets and flashed gold about, Eliwood was picking his nose, and Nils had converted back to whining about the heat so Hector eventually chucked him off and punched Wil in the stomach for no reason.

"Or would you rather have me act like a female..." Lucius turned Erk's head over to some of the girls. Lyn and Fiora were sprawled out in the sand in a bikini with sunglasses on trying to tan, Florina was busy brushing her genderly confused pegasus, Serra was talking at 500 words per minute as she mended Wil, and Priscilla was busy trying not to faint from the desert heat.

"Lucius... You don't want me to answer that-" Before Erk could finish, Tactician #2 crashed into him, fussing about a bottle of water.

"...WHY CAN'T I DRINK THIS!?"

"Kate..." Erk grabbed the bottle from her, untwited the cap, and handed it back to her. "Take the lid off first."

"Oh... AND WHY IS HEATH HERE!? WE'RE NOT IN BERN YET!" Kate suddenly pointed at Heath. Heath slammed Raven's fist down and looked at her.

"I can show up randomly because I am Heath and you refuse to put Florina in a story without me.... and its Hector's quest. I can randomly show up whenever I want."

"Oh yeah... right."

"Kate, do you think I'm too girly?" Interuppted Lucius.

"Rather you be girly than manly." Kate slurped her water before running off to bother Guy about something involving a can opener.

"Why can't I just be liked for who I am!" Lucius stomped his foot and wimpered.

"No time for dawdling, little ones!" Oswin stomped by. "It's time for battle!...It had better be a short one, too. These panty hose are killing me."

Somewhere out in the middle of the Nabata desert stood three lone myrmidons. Like most other myrmidons, they were similar in looks, except for random facial expressions and hair styles. All three were dressed in red, and all had a sort of peachy color hair. The leader of the group, Pete, had his hair tied in a single braid. The middle man of the group, Sherbert, didn't have a braid at all due to laziness. The third and final member of the group, well...

"PEEEEEETE IT'S TOO HOT!" Fuzz screamed. The youngest of the Shrine of Seals myrmidon trio grabbed both of his braids and tugged. "I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE SOS!"

"TOO BAD!" Pete shouted back at him. "We're doing what Linus told us to do!"

"What's that!? Sitting on our butts in the sand and waiting for stupid Eliwood and his little friends to come beat us up again!?"

"Yes." Sherbert blinked. "I wonder if that monk guy will be with them..."

"Oh.... CRAP! He CAN'T be with them! This heat has SO damaged my hair!"

"Oh, NICE one Sherbert!" Pete groaned. "You know the nearest city is too far away! The last thing I want is to run into that monk while smelling like a brigand!"

"Or a lord..." Sherbert added, then suddenly went into panic just like the other two. "I just got a raise, too! I could have SO bought some new scented bath gel!"

"Heeeeey! You mean to tell me you guys got a raise and I didn't!?"

"Well... only I did." Sherbert shrugged.

"How come?" Pete blinked. "Even though you're older than me, I'm still the leader of the group. I should get more money than you."

"YOU have a Killing Edge. HE has a Wo Dao. I have a stupid Slim Sword with 'I love Lucius' carved into the side!"

"...Actually you did that." Fuzz quickly reminded Sherbert.

"Oh yeah..."

"Oh, shut up already." Pete rolled his eyes. "You two have got to stop dreaming..."

"Dreaming of what? That monk may have chased us, but he DID like me the best."

"BULL BULL BIG FAT BULL WITH CABBAGE IN HIS EYE BALLS!" Fuzz screeched at Sherbert and fell off the bone he was seated on. "He likes ME the most!"

"Oh, right. Everyone knows that two braids are out of style." Pete scoffed. "One braid is SO totally in!"

"Psh, get over yourself. You saw his hair. Letting your hair down is the way to go."

"Dont' make me stuff your eyes with cabbage!" Pete tackled Sherbert, the two commencing in a sort of wrestling match.

"Shut up!" Fuzz shouted, then pointed off in the distance. "Look!"

"Huh?" Pete looked up with Sherbert in a headlock. Off in the distance some silver haired mage was attacking some random amature magicians while a familiar blue haired axeman and a redhaird swordsman lead a band of unorganized troops into battle. "Hey... it's those one guys from the SOS battle!"

"HEY! THE MONK'S WITH 'EM!" Sherbert shouted. Pete, Fuzz, and Sherbert all gave a loud hoot and grabbed their swords.

"Hey... I have an idea!" Pete grinned, then looked from Fuzz to Sherbert. The three of them got in a huddle, talked for a split second, giggled, then dashed off towards the battle.

"A whole new wooooooooorld its where we'll beeeeeeee..." Jasmine sang at the top of his lungs while swung his axe around. He accidently let go, lodging the axe in the head of an amature magician. "Oops. Sorry."

"Yeah... thanks..."

"Um... you going to be ok?"

"I don't-....."

"Man..." Jasmine sighed, pulling his hand axe out of his dead henchman. "I need to get a new ax-"

"HEEEEEEY MACRENA!" Pent slapped his back end, then blasted Paul away with Elfire. "Shimy shimy cocoa puff... shimy shimy-"

"Shut up, old man!" Erk snapped.

"Oh, Erk! Is that really you- oh wait, I can't talk to you." Pent held up his hand.

"But-"

"Brick wall. Talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listening."

"..."

"I mean it."

"You're still talking to me."

"Nooooooo I'm not!" Pent snorted. "I simply refuse to acknowledge that you are even in the party despite Serra's loud screaming of your name every five minutes, Priscilla's presence and constant fainting and calling out for you to come help her, that you are two feet in front of me healing me in the middle of a desert with no water, and I will not recognize your presence, even if Louise tells me you're here, until your tactician forces us to stand side by side in battle for an unreasonably long time. Until then, I will not talk to you. Nope. I will not. Yup."

"...."

"Hey, look! A water...seal...thing..."

"...Um, Lord Pe-"

"NO TALKIE!" Pent hissed and ran off, Ocean seal in hand. "A pirate's life for meee..."

"I quit." Erk threw his arms up and walked back over to Lucius. Lucius was leaning up against the lone house in the desert, waving at his face with his Shine book. "I swear this desert must be making everyone delusional..."

"It's... so hot..."

"Well maybe if you didn't wear those robes..."

"Well excuuuuuse me, Erky!" Lucius pouted. "I'm not a Sage like you, you know! ...What happened to your pants?"

"...What pants?"

"ERKY!"

"I'm wearing shorts, you idiot!"

"Oh..."

"Chugga chugga big red car..." Dart danced by, Bartre, Dorcas, and Hawkeye behind him.

"...We have GOT to get out of here!"

"Not until you defeat me!" Jasmine shouted from across the desert.

"Huh... you have an axe..." Heath blinked. "I, have an axereaver.... ok, you're going down, man."

"I'm a GIRL!"

"Really? wow.....Well that just changes everything." Heath turned around and flew over to Florina. "C'mon Florina, lets go um... poke some magicians or...something."

"K."

"Hey Lyn! You have a sword!" Mark ran around in circles. "Go kill Jasmine! Go kill Jasmine! GO KILL JASMINE!" WHAM "Night night..."

"It's too far..." Lyn bit her lip. Jasmine was on the complete other side of the field and archers littered the place. "I can't have a ride..."

"Don't worry, lady!" Fuzz popped up from behind a bone. "We'll take care of him!"

"...Do I know you?"

"uh... no?"

"oh.. ok..."

"We're here to help!" Pete chimed in.

"Can we join you guys?" Sherbert popped up as well.

"Well.."

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!?"

"I...guess..." Lyn said sheepishly.

"YAY! ok Pete, go kill Jasmine."

"I can't do that! I'm a level 8!...Sherbert, you do it. You're level 12."

"PSH! I have a slim sword!... Fuzz, you do it."

"HECK NO! I ain't THAT stupid!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jasmine shrieked, covering its ears. "STOP THAT RACKET!" The SOS myrmidons stopped arguing and looked over to see what was the matter. Nils was dancing about and playing Dies Irae out of tune in Jasmine's ear.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Pete, Fuzz, and Sherbert all pointed and laughed at Jasmine. "YOU SUCK!"

"Heheheheh..."

"GET HER AWAY!" Kent dashed by on his horse, sword in hand and Hannah in wake. Jasmine looked up just in time for Kent to 'accidently' run him through, thus ending the battle. Kent's horse had other ideas. "No... no what are you doing, don't GO THAT WAY! HANNAH'S OVER... oh no..."

"Hehehe that's my Kenty!"

"Elimine, what have I done to deserve this." Kent sighed as Hannah yanked him off the horse and dragged him towards Merlinus' tent.

"So you guys wanna join us, huh?" Kate popped her gum.

"Yup... FUZZ!"

"Sorry." Fuzz yanked his hand away from his nose and thrust it behind him.

"Mmkay!" Kate turned around to face Eliwood and Hector. "Can they join?"

"Sure why not." Hector grumbled. "I ain't payin' them though."

"Well we don't need any more myrmidons!" Eliwood snorted.

"Uh... we have one." Lyn reminded him. "I don't count, either."

"...We do?"

"I really AM unloved, aren't I?" Guy sighed. Almost immediately, Serra, Priscilla, Lyn, Fiora, and Matthew swarmed over Guy, Matthew eventually kicking everyone away. "Ok nevermind."

"They look strangely familiar." Hector eyed the three of them. "Have I seen you guys before?"

"Nope."

"Never."

"What's going on?"

"Shut up, Fuzz." Pete and Sherbert sighed.

"So what brings you guys out here?" Pent asked.

"My brother told us to come meet a living legend." Hector replied.

"I'm a living legend!?"

"No." Erk rolled his eyes. "The only thing legendary about you is your-"

"Don't talk about your Old Man like that!"

"Pent, do you know Erk?" Eliwood raised an eyebrow.

"Never met him before." Pent referred back to his calm manner. "Why do you ask?"

"Just a thought." Eliwood shook his head. "So what are you doing out here?"

"Uh... something about looking for something." Pent scratched his head. "Ask Lord Hawkeye about it. In anycase, its' starting to get dark. The desert gets pretty cold out here in the night. Why don't you come back with Hawkeye and I? We have some sort of an encampment not too far from here."

"Thank you." Eliwood nodded. "We'll follow you there."

"Excellent!" Pent beamed. "This way, please!"

"Lord Pent, that leads to-"

"Brick wall!"

"FLUX YOU!" Erk shouted, but Pent continued to ignore him.

"Um... family counseling?" Lucius poked Erk in the arm. Erk shifted his gaze over to the blonde, then back across the desert.

"Ha.... ok anyway, who cares. I heard from Heath that Kate and Hector hired new people."

"o0o0o0o0o any Nomad Troopers?"

"Lucius?"

"I'm just curious!"

"Right... no, but they're from Sacae... at least that's what they said." The sun had already began to set and the desert was starting to cool as Erk pulled his hood up over his head. Even the winds had died down, leaving the newly made sand dunes to rest easily in the cold night. "Pent wasn't kidding about these nights..."

"I'm grateful though." Lucius pulled the thread out of his hair, blonde waves flowing about his back and shoulders in the nighttime.

"Me-ow!"

"Lookin' good, Lucy!"

"WOO HOO!"

Pete, Fuzz, and Sherbert had done it again. Lucius' eye began to twitch and he could feel the rage swell up in his body. Erk let out a heavy sigh and backed off, well aware of what was going to happen next. Enraged, the monk whirled around to face the myrmidons, shine tome in one hand and an iron frying pan in the other.

"DO...NOT... CALL... ME...LUCY!"

"Oh crap." Pete sweatdropleted. Fuzz and Sherbert grabbed him by the arms and pulled him out of the way, just as Lucius ferociously dived at him.

"RUN AWAAAAAY!!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

"This..." Erk sighed, "Is going to be one, long.... Lucius!"

"What!?" 

"Don't hit Guy, you idiot!"

"Oh... sorry."

"Sure you are." Erk shook his head, muttering curses as Lucius chased the newest members of the team around. A strange feeling began to tug at his insides as someone creeped up behind the mage, that same feeling he had whenever Serra was going to pop up and bother him. The only difference was, this one didn't make him nauseated and generally went away faster. Well, usually.

"AWWWWWW Is Erky jealous!?"

"Kate, don't pop up out of nowhere like that. You'll give someone hives."

"I give Eliwood hives."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Well ya shouldn't have asked!"

"I didn't ask."

"....STILL!" Kate snorted, fussing with her water bottle again. "I think you're jealous because Lucius has new friends."

"Um... he doesn't like them."

"Yes he does. He just doesn't know it yet."

"What are you getting at?"

"Noothiiiiiing...."

"Kate?"

"........."

"Tell me you're not causing future destruction again."

"..........You have sleepy stuff on your nose right there...." Kate pointed. Erk crossed his eyes, and Kate flicked him in the nose. HA MADE YA LOOK!" Tactician #2 turned and ran off, laughing and bumping into Eliwood (most likely on purpose) to cause some sort of ruckus. Eliwood started screaming and as usual a fight commenced, but ended as soon as it started thanks to Kent riding by with Hannah attacked to his horse's tail.

"I remember now!" A lightbulb clicked on over Pent's head. "It's over here!" Pent turned around and before him stood a large building that sort of... appeared out of nowhere. Waterfulls and all sorts of pretty stuff included. "Ha ha ha, I knew we would get here!"

"Sure you did." Eliwood snapped lightly. His cheek was slightly bruised from a not-so-lucky dodge via a punch from Hector. "Let's just go inside... hey Nils, aren't you going?"

"Psh, no way!" Nils waved a hand at him. "I found something that has caught my interest!"

"Kent, make him give me back my microwave!"

"My hands are a bit full at moment, Sain."

"Hannah Kent's too young for you! Go after Marcus or something! You're both close to death's door, maybe he can open it for you!"

"Did... Sain just... insult a woman?!" Rebecca clasped her hand to her chest in sarcasm as if she was having a heart attack, sending the other girls into a fit of giggles.

"Oh shut up." Sain wimpered. "I want my microwave back!"

"Hehehehe..." Hannah dropped Kent and turned to Sain, her haggish grin spreading about her wrinkled face. "Perhaps you can serve me better than Kent!"

"Um... No..." Sain sweatdropleted and backed up. "He's... more or your type anyway. Lo! Nils!" The emerald knight of Caelin yanked Nils and the microwave off the ground and sat them in front of him on his horse. "Let us go off and find that purple haired rat and bombard him with random objects, shall we?"

"YEAH!"

"Lucius... Lucius, are you ok?"

"Hnnnh..." Lucius blinked for a second as he slowly sat up, then rubbed his eyes with his hand. "What happened?"

"You ran into a wall." Erk said bluntly. His violet eyes scanned over the small river passing by, the wind flowing about gently in his purple locks. The two boys sat leaning up against the tall building where the living legend was said to be. Eliwood, Hector, and Lyn were already inside, along with Lord Pent and Lady Louise, discussing plans that the mage and monk would probably never hear until they came up with enough cash to sneak it out of Rebecca.

"Erky..." Lucius sighed heavily with worry. "I have a problem..."

"Since when did you not?"

"No, seriously..."

"Alright... what's on your mind."

"Those stupid myrmidons keep chasing me and they make calls at me and-"

"Lucius, you're starting to fuss again."

"Sorry." Lucius took a deep breath, raising his arms up and down in some sort of yoga style. "I'm ok, I'm ok... Anyway... Ok, I just want them to leave me alone!"

"They're not all THAT bad..." Erk quarked a brow. "All they do is call you Lucy and make catcalls at you."

"I HATE THAT!"

"Not so loud, Nils and Sain will find us! I don't want to be combing random stuff out of my hair again, thank you." Erk hissed, then continued on. "I would suggest ignoring them for awhile."

"Me ignoring them is like you ignoring Nils."

" Well Flux THAT idea... plus you let things get to you too easily."

"Wha...? I do NOT!" Lucius stood up and put his hands on his hips, pouting.

"They called you Lucy once since we got here and you chased them around with a frying pan."

"....I don't care..." Lucius sat back down again with his face in his hands. "They just like to tease me because I look like a girl and act like one sometimes. So what if I do! So what if I don't like to act like a guy! So what if I'm not brawny, or use a sword, or have not-so-shiney hair! Erk, all my life I've been teased for how I look and how I act. Even Lord Raymond thinks I act childish sometimes when I try to get my point across but he doesn't LISTEN to me! For once in my life, I want to be liked or respected for who I am, and not be teased or taunted or anything like that! And don't say you don't treat me like that! I've read your diary, buddy!"

"WHY do we have to keep bringing that up!" Erk leaned back against the building, slamming his head hard enough to make a sound but not enough to hurt him.

"Oh, so I must whine too much like a woman for you to even listen to me."

"I was talking about my diary-"

"Brick wall!" Lucius held up his hand, then turned and stomped off. "I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning!" Erk sat there for a minute, his mouth slightly open and his eyes blinking once or twice.

"Lucius..." He began, but Lucius kept right on walking, soon out of site. "But-I-GRAH! What did I do!?"

"THERE HE IS! LET'S GET 'IM, SAIN!"

"Oh flux."


End file.
